Why Cymbalta Makes Me Nervous

Okay, so by now you know there is an issue with my meds at the moment.  This post is partly for anyone who is interested in Cymbalta and partly to help organise my thoughts for the doctor tomorrow (today).

Firstly, of course, there is the whole serotonin syndrome thing:

If you have some or all of the following symptoms you may have something called serotonin syndrome: feeling confused, feeling restless, sweating, shaking, shivering, hallucinations, sudden jerks in your muscles or a fast heartbeat.

It then continues with the following symptoms; which may or may not also be symptoms of serotonin syndrome or not.

• stick neck or jaw muscles (lockjaw)
• fits or seizures
• mood of excitement, over-activity and uninhibited behaviour
• aggression or anger especially after starting or stopping taking this medicine.

You may need urgent medical attention.

But wait!  There’s more!  (And I don’t mean a free set of steak-knives.)

Glaucoma:  I don’t have glaucoma, that I know of.  (I really need to get that tested.)  But my Mum does.  And my brother.  I am nervous about taking a medication that could cause it.

Liver damage or failure:  Okay, noone really lines up to ask for this one.  I wouldn’t be too concerned at the moment normally as I do not drink (still breastfeeding S4 and F1) and as far as I know, my liver is pretty healthy (despite it all.)  However, elsewhere it talks about skin rash as a sign of a sick liver.  Go to the Accident and Emergency of your nearest hospital if you have itching, skin rash or hives.  I have had the most horrendous skin rash.  It started on Sunday 5th August.  It lasted until a few weeks ago.  (Coincidentally when I stopped taking my old meds?)  All over my legs, my arms and the trunk of my body.  It was so itchy that I couldn’t sleep and it often had me in tears.  Now my legs and chest are covered in scars.  I still have itchy, broken skin on my abdomen.  I don’t normally get rashes like that.  It was just too hard for me to get to a doctor about it.  It also says flu symptoms are a sign.  I thought I was fighting another seasonal bug, but maybe that is not what the recurring aches and fevers were about.

And, actually, it IS concerning to be taking something daily that puts your liver into such a tenuous situation that a big night out could wipe it out.  Not that I get big nights out.

Suicidal tendencies: I am not suicidal.  But suicide is a real and rather nasty side effect of some medications for some people.  I am a suicide-survivor, thank you Aropax.  I know that I am so glad I survived, not just because I am here now, but because in that moment that I stopped taking the pills, I won the war.  I do not want to go there again, and I am petrified to have that control taken from me.

Restless Legs:  @#%^ restless legs!  Restless legs drive me crazy.  It came on in a big way when I was pregnant with H6 and has got worse since.  I do not need to take something that has this as a possible side-effect!

Of course, there is the usual list of a thousand possible side-effects, the ones we are all used to seeing.  Of these, there are a few that bother me:

• sleeping issues – drowsiness or insomnia or weird dreams.  Take your pick.  They are all there, and I get them all.  Yick.
• anxiety/confusion – isn’t this part of what we are treating?
• and many, many more, but these are all the mild and short-lived ones, and generally speaking, I don’t bother with them if they don’t bother with me.

You know, in my gut, I just know this is not for me.

2 Hours

Two hours sleep is not enough.

I am really struggling today.  Thank goodness the kids are being unusually good.  It might have been something to do with the talk I gave them this morning.  It went something like, “I have only had two hours sleep.  I am tired and cranky.  Your (insert behaviour) will not be tolerated today.”. Or it might be luck.  God giving me a small break.  A small miracle for us all.

So how come I only had two hours sleep?

My depression is getting worse.  I know the signs.  I have had that burst of energy, that keeps me up at night doing stuff.  I’ve been building through the insomnia that becomes less and less fun.  I’ve got to the point where it is almost impossible to take my meds.  My numbing drug of choice this time has been solitaire on my tablet (computer, not meds). I’m heading for a crash and I’m not sure where to cry for help.  Today I caught myself on online bookshops.  Soon I will be living off Cheezels.

I hate this.  Even after all this time, I don’t know what triggers these downward spirals, nor do I know what to do to stop them.  I know lots of my triggers, as in what causes my general episodes, but these whirlpools, uh-uh.   I know many triggers are in place, I am beginning to realise it is when things are also out of my control (like I can’t seem to get a break from the kids, even though I have been trying for months), but I think there is something else here, something specific.  If only I could figure out what it was.

So, that had me up most of the night.  I was going to go to bed at a semi-decent time last night.  I was.  Really.  But somehow it got to 2:15am, the infomercials were making me yawn and it was difficult to beat the deal on solitaire.  Oops.  So I went to bed.  It was freezing cold.  We have no heater in our room, unlike in the lounge.  And our quilt wriggles inside the cover so that sometimes you pretty much just have two sheets and nothing warm.  Last night was arctic, so it was awful.  I lay teeth chattering, trying to pretend my daughter would re-settle from the intrusion without me feeding her, yet again (ha! As if!). Eventually I drifted off – until about 4am, when the little banshee started up.

She was inconsolable.  I don’t know what happened, she doesn’t seem ill or anything.  She was probably just cold.  Whatever it was she stayed awake, screaming until morning.  Demanding milk continuously (I didn’t have the supply, so let’s add pain, guilt and inadequacy to those feelings of exhaustion and frustration, shall we?)

By morning I was shattered.  So was DH.  It was an unpleasant morning after an unpleasant night before an unpleasant day.

Unfortunately, she has had some good sleep today.  I hope tonight is not a repeat.