Maybe I shouldn’t be around people right now.
I seem to be angry and just waiting to find someone to hit.
Not quite, but I am unduly angered by stupid things that people say and do.
Let’s take, for example, my family. I am the youngest of a large, hierarchical family. As such, I am a long way down the pecking order. Below, even, my elder siblings children. This is, of course, denied. I should stop thinking of myself like that, you see, I should just be more assertive. Except that when I do I am told in no uncertain terms that I am not to rock the boat like that.
What is my latest offence?
Well, my family doesn’t gather for Christmas on Christmas Day. It is too inconvenient to coordinate that many people, apparently. We originally gathered on the Saturday before Christmas (as did my father’s family before) and then, whoever could, would get together on Christmas Day. Then the Christmas Day thing got dropped. Then they started gathering on Sunday because the people hosting it found that easier.
But we don’t. We go to Church on Sunday. Apparently, so do my family, but then I did the unthinkable and, despite being Roman Catholic, married a Protestant. We go to his Church. So apparently it is my problem if the times conflict.
This year, we are hosting Christmas. Yes we volunteered, however, noone else wanted to do so. So what have we done? What is the terrible, unforgivable crime that I have committed?
I have invited everyone over on Saturday.
Good grief!
And hasn’t the narky abuse come thick and fast!
*sheesh*
H6 asked me tonight what was wrong. He could feel me all tense as I snuggled him in bed. I put it like this:
“Someone I don’t like very much but I have to be nice to said something very mean to me that made me angry. I had to be polite when I answered her, even ‘though I didn’t want to be. But now I can’t get the anger away inside me.”
He understood. I couldn’t tell him it was his cousin and his aunt who had me in such a burning rage that I want hurt someone.
The whole thing is petty and ridiculous. I want to say to them: 2 choices – 1 you host it, you choose the day or 2 don’t come if you can’t. Apparently that would be rude in an uncalled for manner.
But I am struggling with the rage.
The rage.
I understand the term, “seeing red”, because I got so mad that my eyesight tinged.
How much is Lexapro and how much is that I am just sick of this? I don’t know, but I know I better keep away from them until I am past the Detox Rages.
Inside the Storm 